An Explanation For the Recently Deceased
by Tribble Master
Summary: So you wake up dead. Okay, scary, I know. But before you do anything nuts, let me explain about your newest threat: the Winchesters.  vague spoilers up s7, excessive swearing


**I have lovely Beta, Sarah1983. Because when I do imagination crack she just tells me to run with it. **

**Enjoy. Do I own them? Hell no, I don't want to deal with their issues.**

**...An Explanation For the Recently Deceased... **

Let me explain.

His name is John 'Don't you dare use that tone with me' Winchester. I didn't make this shit up. I couldn't. I mean, demons obsessed with ceiling décor? Stay at home moms wandering the road in white dresses without a coat? Its bull shit to me, but to John it's a goddamn job. Well, not at first. Not until after Missouri had whacked him a wooden spoon a few hard times. But shit, he really took it and ran with it. When he died, he was the first righteous man to enter hell, and leave the same. They overlooked one thing, one crime in his life: He abandoned the Impala. Nobody puts baby in a corner. As a result, John is now doomed to walk the earth as a ghost. Sometimes he hangs out with other ghosts, sometimes he just finds his way back to that damn fine '67 Impala.

After all, the Impala was as good as home to his family. Speaking of which-

His name is Dean 'I'm fine, fuck you' Winchester. He is absolutely a picture of perfect health and sanity. When he took the Impala he handled her like she was Playgirl of the Month. He built her up when she was broken, and in return she holds all his secrets (and some porn) in her trunk. There are plenty of respectable drunk girls at bars out there, but few that can deal with Dean (other than physically because _hello)_. Hell, his brother skips out on him more than a girl playing jump-rope. Point is, Dean takes care of her. Because she takes care of him.

And let's not forget to mention one other un-savory character.

His name is Sam 'You won't like me when I'm angry' Winchester. He is quite angry, quite tall, and in quite a pickle. See, Lucifer has this itty-bitty crush on him and follows around him constantly. Generally the solution is very simple, and clean up is minimal if you have a tarp handy. But no, because this is the Winchesters things must absolutely be complicated. And since this is Sam, it must also be angst-ridden, and soul-crushing. Lucifer now sits at the back of his skull, probably inspecting Sam's now unused wealth of legal knowledge. Meanwhile Sam kills anything he can, because it's a job and not an excuse to vent all the rage that's boiling inside him and tearing him apart. That would be unhealthy. Sam is so healthy he jogs in the morning, which is kind of a waste of time. But Lance Armstrong did it, so I'll let it go. Anyway, Sam says that's _fine _now and guilt free.

They ride around in the Impala together. John doesn't say much, or make his presence known for that matter. He occasionally just likes to rearrange shit, because the afterlife is fucking tedious. Besides, if he showed up Dean might cry. (The Impala would like it known, here and now, that Dean Winchester does not cry. She's very protective of him, so just nod and say yes.) Sam sits in the passenger seat, but he does get to drive sometimes. Dean is very picky about these sorts of things. For a high-school dropout he is very detail oriented, if lacking on the planning bit. Despite the closed quarters, stomach-turning food, and windy roads, they work together pretty well.

Point, if you die in some un-holy fire and brimstone mess or even in just a regular 'Oops that piano fell from three stories' way- stay dead. I'm serious. Because you sincerely do not want to incur their wrath. I tried it once. Killed a few people just for disturbing my corner of that house on Langston Street, nothing terribly fancy. Apparently that's not alright. Dying once hurts like hell, dying twice is excruciating. Take it from me, Winchesters are unpredictable, scary, and kind of hilarious when you thrown them down staircases.

Rest in peace my friends, I hope this helped. Forewarned is for armed. If you need me, I'll be at the Elvis concert down in the Memphis cemetery. Feel free to ask questions anytime.

_**the end **_


End file.
